I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
