How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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