Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
