You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
