God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
