It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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