Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
