I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
