You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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