It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
