4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
