my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
