broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
