we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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