We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize