You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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