There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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