party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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