She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
