At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When are your genitals available?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
