True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
