god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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