walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
