you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
