so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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