i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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