Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
