my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
