i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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