hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
