Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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