Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
