I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
