I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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