k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
