I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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