You're earring is so big in my mouth
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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