And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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