Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
