oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
