at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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