I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
