I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
