Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
