its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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