just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
