Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
