I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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