Your dad touched me again.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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