You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
