Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
