I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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