i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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