Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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