so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
