May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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