I feel like abortions should bother me more
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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