This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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