Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
