Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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