Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
why is half of my head shaved?
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
