I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
