the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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