the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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