My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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