Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
