I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
