Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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