I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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