I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
