Will you blow on my dice?
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
