your parents love me but you hate me
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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