lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
