i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
