If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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