Umm I'm too high to move.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
