LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
