John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
