I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I checked into jail on foursquare
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
