Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
