you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
