you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
