At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
