Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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