i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
