Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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