I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
