i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
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