Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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