"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
We were destined to go to rehab together
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
