i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
