Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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