So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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