I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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