508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
