I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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