i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Just high enough for therapy.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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