Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
