the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
