Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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