Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
NoShamevember. You game?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
