Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
he puts the penis in happiness.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
