I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
