Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
