My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
