We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Your cock deserves a montage
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
