And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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