If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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