SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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