Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
