it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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