I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize