Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
