Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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