If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
