We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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